More than twenty years ago, when I was just finishing my college degree, a dear friend of mine who I cared about very much cut me off. Back then, we didn’t have a term for it other than cutting someone off, but today we call it “Ghosting”.
I never understood why it happened. The last time I spoke to this person was to say goodbye as I left town to move back home. To me, it was just what friends should do, but I don’t know at this point. I must have done something to make him think I wanted more, but I wouldn’t know what it was. I’ve often wondered about it through the years as it eats at me from time to time.
I had another person who I loved very much and thought I had something with shortly after school who did the same thing. I’ve not heard from this person in more than twenty years, either, while I know he still lives in Austin. From this one, I deduced that I wasn’t good enough or that I was too gross to love back. The worst part is that I didn’t realize he had ghosted me until many years later when I asked a mutual friend about him. I think this one hurt me the most between the two, but I’ve gotten better about it since I’m in a relationship and have been validated.
The effect of ghosting someone can be traumatic. I understand why it’s done. I understand that sometimes you have to take a stand to protect yourself and ensure your happiness, but if the offending person doesn’t know they did anything, it’s extremely traumatic. It makes you question reality and doubt yourself for a long time. For me, it’s caused a lot of self-esteem issues. More than twenty years later, I’m still thinking about it and hurting.
There are very few people I have ghosted in my lifetime. I didn’t like doing it, but it was something I had to do for my own sanity. I’m pretty sure they know why I wanted to cut ties. There have been others who have cut ties with me, and I understood the reason, so it never affected me that much. On those, I carry some guilt over my actions, but I don’t hold a grudge against them. I’ve apologized to them and let it go because I don’t want to be a problem for them.
