I go through periods where I feel like not writing or that I really have nothing to say. Sometimes, I do have things to say, but I don’t necessarily want to share them with the world. I need to get better about that and just say what’s on my mind. Needless to say, a lot has happened since I last posted.
I lost my job unexpectedly. I spent a few days in the hospital with sepsis. I’ve been trying to pull myself out of the funk I landed in since getting fired. I’ve been trying to make a few new friends online. I’ve read articles that make me question some of my friendships. In short, my life has a lot going on right now.
On a positive note, I’m trying to pay attention to my health. I’m making some progress at the gym, but it is slow going. My doctor says to stick with it because I didn’t get this body over night and it will take a lot longer to get my heart in shape and develop some muscle. The bad thing is that the only other thing I do is apply for jobs online endlessly. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many I’ve applied for. I sometimes get a phone interview, but won’t hear back from them. I had an in person interview I thought went well, but never received even an email telling me I didn’t get the position. I made the mistake of activating my monster.com profile because now I’m getting spammed with emails and cold calls for shit jobs from questionable recruiters just trying to pad their quota.
My familiy keeps telling me that things happen for a reason and that it will get better in the Lord’s time. Last time, it took 6 months and I was getting unemployment. This time around, I was denied and then denied again on the appeal. The stress of this is hard to deal with so that’s why I spend so much time in the gym. The exercise gives me a chance to put my mind somewhere else rather than trying to escape feeling like a failure again.
I know things will get better, but I just don’t know how long it will take. I know people get fired every day and they are able to go out and get other jobs. I, on the other hand, feel like I’ve been blackballed or something. I don’t know what else I can do besides what I’ve been doing. I certainly apply for things outside of what I’ve been doing where I believe my experience would apply, but those applications seem to go down a black hole. It’s hard to stay positive and I guess this is just me venting about things because I can.