Where to go from here

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I know I’m not very good at creating blog posts consistently. My brain has a lot going on nearly 24/7 and there are many times I don’t really feel like I have much to say to the world. Sometimes the things I think about are insignificant when you compare them to other world problems. My opinions are my own and I don’t really believe in getting up on a soapbox to voice my views on different things. I think the best thing I can do with my little blog is just use it as a tool to help me work through the tough times.

I already have a job interview set up with a company next week. I’m hesitant to make any commitment to them because of the days and hours requirements. They will be demanding split days off, never being able to take off on a holiday if you’re scheduled to work that day, and a very significant pay cut. I thought it was fun how the recruiter told me they offer 10 paid holidays each year, but I wouldn’t be able to take them in the position I was applying for. Just from this alone, I don’t think I’d be happy there. I need my two day weekends to relax and unwind from a stressful week. I don’t want to be a slave to the phone and sacrifice rare times with my family just so a company can be open on days when nobody will call.

I spent some time talking about the issue with my family, my close friends, and my psychiatrist. They all gave the same answer of take the interview, but pass on the job if it is truly something that I know will make me unhappy. The idea has been floated that my aunt thinks I should become an insurance premium auditor specializing in Worker’s Compensation policies. I’m going to call her tomorrow or sometime this week to talk about it and how I might go about getting trained for it. I think it might actually be a career change worth looking into so that I can get out of the customer service industry that has burned me so many times before.

You know, I find it interesting that even though I got fired from my job unexpectedly, I’m not raging at them and I don’t really hate them. I hate what happened and feeling like I was tossed out with the trash, but I don’t want to completely cut ties with the company because they didn’t wrong me like the one before that did. I feel like the parting of ways was amicable and I will continue to make purchases on the site as I need to. I just don’t see myself selling anything on the site for the foreseeable future.

The only other thing that’s going on right now is the anxiety. I think part of the problem is that I may have made myself sick or weak enough to let my allergies get the better of me. I’ve had super stopped up head and sinuses for nearly a week and today was the worst I’ve had in a long time. I’ve spent much of the evening lying on my bed watching TV and trying not to move. I think because my ears are stopped up, I get dizzy and nauseous when I move around too much. I think I need rest more than anything at the moment. I need to focus on my body and my mind taking care of myself. Yes, I lost my job, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it take my self-esteem and happiness away. I’ve been told I have a strength in seeing how things in the universe are connected and maybe this is all happening for a very good reason. Maybe my job at the company was done and it was time to move me on to another place.

I think I’m going to try to write a few more blog posts during my down time between jobs so I can just get thoughts and feelings worked out.